Recently, mostly because of the 30th anniversary of AIDS I have been remembering people.
There are my three exwhatevers, Lem who committed suicide about twenty years ago. He was a twisted soul, but since he is no longer here I guess it would be rude to speak ill of him. So I won't. Then there was Shawn, gold digger number one. He thought I could just pull money out of thin air. Now I was still working back in those days and making a damned good salary for the early 1990s. I owned my house, well the mortgage company and I owned it. I had a brand new car, once again the bank owned more of it than I did. We lived rather comfortably. Shawn could never be happy. If it was not the biggest,latest, or the best he would have no use for it. Ungrateful ass, especially since he was making a career of being employed part time at a tanning salon. WOOHOO big money! (not) The day after I came home and told him I had to retire on disability as my health would no longer let me work, he said good bye. He finally found a Sugar Daddy, or Sugar Granddaddy depending on how you look at it.
The third gem of a man was a drunkard that was completely allergic to working. Once I thew him out of the co-op apartment that I had bought but I mistakenly let his mother talk me out of that. I guess she did not want to support him either. This leech still thinks I owe him something. I think very differently.
Lastly come those dear friends who have gone on. During the spring of 1993 through the summer of 1994 I went to a least one funeral a week. Sometimes more. By the time I was 36 I had buried all of my close friends and one sweet man destined, or so we thought, to be my partner. When in the right mood to dwell on this I tend to come unglued. OK, I cry a lot.
Eventually I come around and realize as long as I remember their faces and their names they are not truly gone. Just for a while. As corny as it is, I often wonder if some day, ala the movie Long Time Companion, we will once again laugh and joke and hug. I sure hope so. I can hardly wait! Hugs-Garry
Memories are the tylenol that get us thru the pain of missing our loved ones. I know its a very cheap substitute, but it helps. Milestones are known triggers of the re-opening of wounds, especially loss. As I said, "they never really die if we remember them, they are right there, in our hearts and minds!". L
ReplyDelete